Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Infertility.....

 Infertility has been one of the most painful things that I have ever been through. It has truly been a roller coaster ride. And while I still have days when I'll cry at the drop of a hat, it HAS gotten easier. The first couple years were the hardest. Mainly because I felt so alone. I was to scared to admit that it was happening. I was clinging to the hope that just cause it hadn't happened yet didn't mean it wouldn't happen this month, or the next or the next. Then by the time a couple years went by, I had to come to grips with the fact, it just wasn't happening. I had to give up my dreams of seeing those two lines appear. The dream of getting to share such a precious moment with my husband. The dream of getting to tell my parents they were going to be grandparents, or making my in laws grandparents for the first time. The dream of carrying a miracle inside of me. The dream of seeing what part of me and part of the love of my life looked like. So many dreams were shattered at my feet. I truly felt like part of me had died. But I had to keep living. I had to trust that my God stilled love me. And that he had a plan for me even though it all looked so black then. Through all of this, I was to scared to ask for help. I only shared bits and pieces here and there, except to my husband, and my Father. Looking back, I think it might have been a little easier if I had shared more with close friends. I needed support so badly, and yet I blamed myself, and was to ashamed to share it.
 So anyways, why am I writing this? I just want to tell you all, if you know someone struggling with infertility, pray for them. Ask them how they are really doing. Love them. Support them. And most importantly pray for them, and tell them that you are praying for them. You have NO idea how much it means!
~Esther  

Thursday, October 4, 2012

John 9:3

 Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him. John 9:3
 This verse has become one of my favorite verses in the Bible in the last couple year. It is the story of the blind man that Jesus healed. Everyone was assuming that his blindness was the result of his or his parents sin. But Jesus tells them, no, it is so that the works of God should be made manifest in him. He wanted to be glorified in this man's life. It is such a comfort to me on this journey of infertility. In the beginning, I blamed myself, and felt blamed by those around me. I felt like I was letting my husband, my family and everyone around me down by not producing offspring! But one day when I read this verse, it jumped out at me. And has been a huge source of comfort to me ever since! May God truly be glorified in my life!
 Love to you all!
~Esther